After the death of my father, even though most of my life was always focused on drawing and painting, I quit. Initially due to lack of stimulation, then fear. Each time I started drawing I created monsters and suffering enough, and I relived every single picture of the days when I saw my father off in agony, powerless in front of his grief, losing more every day, without my being able to do anything.
So the design has become a nightmare for me and since then no longer able to grip a pencil attacked me without panic attacks, so that finally the Academy of Fine Arts are due to use of sedatives every time I draw.
Over the years I have tried several times to resume drawing, but as soon as it appeared horrible feeling of death dropped, stop designing and that is why I have accumulated several "unfinished".
This is what I have been since 2003 to tonight.
The other day I went to do grocery shopping close to home and passing close to the shelf of the stationery of instinct I took a pack of two pencils, so, almost as a challenge to those crises.
Tonight while I was in the lounge watching TV, I got the pencils and a picture in front of Hizumi I started drawing, and to my great joy I discovered that he had finally defeated the panic attacks. I had no dizziness, I had no nausea, I had no tremors and I had no hunger for oxygen, for the first time in 7 years, I managed to complete a portrait, the portrait of Hizumi.
Unconsciously he made a miracle. Tomorrow I am going to my friend Qije and I will scan the portrait to be able to put online.
And perhaps as suggested to me a dear friend, I'll try to give this portrait to Hizumi, explaining that for me in part to his that I no longer have the fear of drawing.
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